Fingers crossed for respite

We have an appointment this afternoon to have a look at another facility for respite. Hopefully all goes well.

My brother visited from interstate and did some maintenance. Thank you brother. Dad was delighted to see him and gave him one of the copies of the booklet of my brothers degree confirmation, which Dad had kept for years. This had been playing on Dad's mind. I just hope he remembers that he gave it to him.

Yesterday and last night I kept getting a migraine (I have only ever had a few in my life). I found that I needed to lay in darkness to get some relief. During the night Dad kept waking and getting dressed and turning on lights. After a while he would return to bed and turn off the lights. Usually I get up and help him back to bed but last night I was in zombie mode and when I woke this morning Dad was dressed and in the lounge and happy as Larry after eating a couple of ice creams.

Respite falls through and more changes with Dad.

I received a phone call from the care facility where Dad was going next week. They've had to cancel because they're taking an admission. I was so looking forward to having a break and Dad was looking forward to going. I'm so disappointed. I was actually planning a trip, searching online when I got the call. So the search begins again and all the paper work. We have an appointment on Monday to have a look another place. Fingers crossed.

Dad is losing more of awareness to time. He asks 'what's the next meal' throughout the day, I think as some way of anchoring him to the time. If has a nap he wakes and thinks it's breakfast time and is very confused that it's still the same day. He is also saying things which would if he was well could cause trouble within the family. He had a conversation with my cousin and he came across as if of the opinion that he and Mum were dwindled out of some shared lottery winnings. Since then he has said the opposite that he wanted me to give my cousin money because he thought him and Mum dwindled her out of them. He was quite upset and has asked me a few times no matter what to make it right with her. He also has said things about other family members, saying they said this and that. He also told the people at his day centre facility that my daughter won a scholarship, no she didn't. And when my daughters were in Japan he said to me he kept it all hush, hush and didn't tell anyone why they were there; huh! oh ok they were on holidays. If a well person said these things you would call them a troublemaker. I grit my teeth and have to put these things he says aside or I'd end up confused, worried or angry for days. This seems to be the beginning of him losing all sense of reality.

He has also taken to screaming out my name from another room if I don't immediately answer or go to the room to see what it is he wants. I may be on the phone and he wants the TV channel changed. Also I can tell him I'm going ie, out to garden or to the line and he forgets and screams out for me or comes searching for me. He is definitely becoming more frustrated with everything.

Dad also had an hallucination one night. He woke me up and said come and listen to what the woman who is sitting on the red blanket is saying. I have to say being woken at 3 am to hear this, half asleep myself, well it scared the living daylights out of me. He didn't seem frightened. If anything he sounded surprised and happy that she was there and he had someone to chat with.

Avalon Airshow

Friday I took Dad to the Avalon Airshow. It was very impressive, the F18's with their after burners flaring, spit-fires and their manoeuvres and the noise. But it was a stressful afternoon. As soon as we got in the gates Dad wanted to go back to the car. We had had a bit of a walk from the car so found him a seat to rest which I had to continuously do. Plus he wanted to go to the toilet heaps. So I had to plan strolls to look at planes, tanks, helicopters etc from a base of our very rare seats, near a toilet and after looking at one going back for a rest. We still managed to see quite a bit. After 3 hours Dad had had enough so we begun the walk back to the car. At the entrance I asked a shuttle mini-bus driver if they were taking people back to their cars, no, but explained that Dad was worn out. The very nice chap gave us a very much appreciated lift back to the car (it was a 10 min walk mmm 20-30 for Dad).
The drive home took us near where Dad and Mum grew up so I took Dad for fish'n'chips down at his old beach and a bit of a drive around his old town. The house his Dad built has been pulled down, his brothers house on the foreshore gone too and enormous houses have replaced them. But the house in which Mum and Dad lived when they first were married (and where I lived till I was 2) was still there.
Dad had a great day but in future I think I will plan quieter, less strenuous days for outings.

What a relief.

Everything went really, really well. I told Dad this morning about having a holiday (respite) for a week. At first he was slightly troubled and wanted to phone my brother who lives interstate but as he sat and thought about it, he concluded by saying I wasn't having much of a life and that he was ok with the idea. Still never ceases to amaze me. So we went off and had a tour of this wonderful new facility that looks like it should be in Palm Springs and we were both super impressed with the facilities and activities. From what I could see of the interaction between staff and residents, it all looked great and people were smiling. Whilst we were there Dad seemed quite excited at the idea of staying there for a week and yes he is booked in to have a week from the 23rd of this month. Since being back home his anxieties about it have risen but if I keep him busy and occupied, hopefully it wont be too overwhelming for him. Tomorrow we are off to an airshow. He is going to love seeing the jet fighters and the old bombers. Personally I'm not into war machines but can appreciate the technology.
I am so very relieved that everything turned out well. I don't know what I would have done if he had have cried and said he didn't want to go.
I learnt a lot from Dad today and just hope if ever I am in his shoes one day that I too can be as diplomatic about it all as he was today.

Taking deep breath...

As I write this Dad is eating his brekky and I am wondering how I'm going to tell him about the appointment we have, this arvo, to look at a facility for respite. For the past few weeks I have been at arms with myself trying to avoid this day. I have appointments to look at other places later this month. This really sucks!

Dad is becoming more vague

One daughter is home from Japan, gearing up to begin her law degree. My other daughter comes home Monday. Having my daughter who lives at home, back home certainly helps me with my state of mind. Just having someone to have a chat with or someone here so I can duck up the street makes an enormous difference. So will see how things pan out over the next couple of weeks and re-evaluate the need for respite.

Dad continues to wake me up from about 3 am, every half hour to hour. He wants to know if he should start to get ready to go to the 'old boys' (day centre group which he goes to of a tues). I mumble, not today, you go of a tues, today is fri, sat, sun etc. Dad is certainly becoming more confused and anxious. Earlier, today, my daughter was getting ready to go out and in that process she went from her room to lounge, to bathroom, doing things and gathering her things, all quite normal behaviour and Dad came to me and asked me 'what is she doing, she goes into her room and out and gets something and goes back', going from room to room. Oh dear! When Dad first asks that type of question I at first think in real terms...she is getting ready...mmm...oh, that has confused you. It's hard to imagine being that confused. It would be so very awful to have your world all topsy-turvy and unfamiliar.

I have also noticed that Dad at times can not partake when a few people are having a conversation. He introduces new topics at inappropriate times and can not follow what is being chatted about. This is very disturbing because my Dad loves to have a chat. Some people are talkative and others more quiet, well Dad is a chatty person. He has always been the chatty, jolly one, making people feel at ease with his endearing nature. It's sad to see a strong personality trait fade away. I feel like he is on a precipice of some kind again.

Time for Respite

Dad sparked up after his B12 shot. He was more chatty, cheery and for the first 2 nights slept better. But for the past few nights he has woken up and then comes and asks me if I'm awake or what day it is. He may do this 4-7 times a night. Broken sleep is not good. Last night he woke me up thinking we had been evacuated. My brain feels hazy.
He asks me continuously if he is going to go to the 'big boys', his day centre group, he can ask every 30 mins. He talks of going to Uni to get a degree and gives me a running commentary on what the cats are doing. As soon as I'm sleep deprived my patience leaves me.
I have tried to take Dad out but he became extremely anxious, asking me over and over again what was happening to the point I was so pleased to get home.
I think it's time for respite.