Respite went super well

Dad is home. I picked him up yesterday morning and he was bright and chirpy. When I arrived at 10 am the residents were in the lounge and an occupational therapist was throwing a ball to each person. One of the staff members said to me 'what a nice chap Dad is and how he loves to chat and that he is a smart man'. I couldn't agree more. I noticed driving home that Dad seemed to be listening to me more intently than he has for ages and was more engaged in our conversation. I was impressed. He seemed happier. He enjoyed the food, definitely the company and the stimulation from the activities and the outings. He didn't like the raised voices from staff. I asked him when did this happen and he explained when people wouldn't eat. I told him that it was important that the people concerned eat and I was pleased to hear that they follow through in maintaining levels of nourishment. I can remember when Mum was in hospital and an elderly chap in her ward couldn't feed himself. His daughter had to come in most days at meal times because there simply wasn't enough staff members to allow an hour or so in feeding this poor chap. I remember a nurse flying past and giving him a mouthful and returning 10 minutes later and another and then the plate was whisked away. Mum also commented that most times when the daughter wasn't there the food arrived and went without him having anything to eat.
I think Dad could understand when I explained that it was good that the staff persisted in getting some residents to eat.
It was a coincidence that on the way home Dad had an appointment with an occupational therapist concerning filling in a form. She took him into her office and asked questions and DAD REMEMBERED HIS DATE OF BIRTH...ohmg. When she came out she had written the date Dad had told her on a piece of paper and she showed me and I nodded. We were both impressed. The extra stimulation has done Dad the world of good...very impressed.
Last night Dad sat up later than usual with us watching TV. He seemed happier. This morning I awoke to Dad telling me he has stepped in dog poo near the back door. Why Dad was near the back door I don't know. The dog didn't pee also in his tray and there was Dad pee around the toilet floor and Daughter was running late for uni...a strange sigh of relief...back to normal.
I am so thankful that the respite stay went so extremely well.

Younger brother!!

Yesterday I received a phone call from a staff member of the care facility saying Dad is agitated and wants to speak to my brother!!! I spoke to Dad and reassured him that he is coming home Monday. I suspect that when brother with problems visited Dad that he fuelled the misconception of how Dad thought he was staying till Xmas and that somehow brother with problems was going to fix everything. My brother is going to cause problems by saying to Dad things such as 'I will look after you' when he can't but Dad will think he can and this is going to make it very difficult come the next respite stay...banging head against brick wall!!!
I pick up Dad in the morning. I hope he settles back in ok and doesn't feel angry or betrayed. I also hope that the stay hasn't been detrimental to his functioning capacity. When I spoke to him on the phone I was able to brighten him up by getting him to tell me of the day excursions he's been on.
I'm about to head off to pick up married daughter's dog for another holiday at our place. He is so cute and is terrific company for Dad.
The past 2 weeks have absolutely flown by. My daughter, who lives at home and I have sat up watching DVD's together, we've been out shopping together and have just generally enjoyed catching up and doing ordinary, every day things together. She also has been able to write and study in a peaceful house and sleep throughout the night. The respite has been good for both of us.

My younger brother

Since Dad has been in respite a nervous tic I had developed in one eye has disappeared and I have enjoyed the feeling of freedom, however, I feel sad most of the time. I'm aware that in the long run I will be a better carer for having the break, so be it.
My younger brother had an episode the other evening. He stood near the back door shouting, 'Come here, I want to talk to you NOW'. My blood runs cold when he starts shouting and slamming things. He had visited Dad and was saying 'how dare you, Mum would be so angry. How dare you, Dad is in there till Xmas'. I'm thinking, huh? He continues, 'Dad told me he is there till Xmas'. I tell my brother Dad has got confused and that he will be home next week just like I had told both of them. My brother has problems understanding some things because he views everything as black and white. Dad told him so, therefore it must be so. Oh dear! Then he starts, 'You aren't to organise things anymore, I am going to be the one who does', and he continued saying you are a dreadful daughter. Because he has problems it's so hard not to throttle him. I have to walk away and leave him to slam doors and shout. At one stage he came up to me shouting and stepped up close shouting into my face. It was only after I threatened to phone the police did he back off. He leaves me rattled for hours. Today he is still slamming doors.
The only person he will listen to since Mum passed away is my other brother who lives interstate. I have to phone my interstate brother and ask him to phone and have a chat to brother with problems.
I just hope when he was visiting with Dad he didn't stress Dad out in anyway.

My first visit with Dad in repite.

I visited Dad on the weekend and whilst I was there 2 of my cousins arrived for a visit too. On first appearances I noticed Dad had very large puffy bags under his eyes. These puffy bags were about half the size at home. I remember his Mother, my Grandmother getting very large puffy bags. As we chatted Dad mentioned that he had these puffy bags and I asked if his eyes were sore...No. He also volunteered the info that he hadn't been crying.
Dad wasn't quite his bubbly self but considering the changes he had been through, the settling in to a different environment and routine and different people to mix with, he was coping quite well.
During the week he had been on a couple of outings. One was a drive up to our hills, the Dandenongs and the other was a barbeque by the Yarra river. The staff do an amazing job.
My cousin commented later on the phone to me how all the residents were so clean and well dressed. The staff help the residents to maintain their pride and motivation.
When I was leaving a resident was setting the tables for dinner and most of the other residents were watching an orchestra on the big screen TV.
During my visit Dad asked about the cats and did I have the dog back. He didn't say he wanted to come home so I will take that as he is settling in and coping ok.
At home my daughter is writing her first Law paper. So I'm tip-toeing around her and the house, through the explosion of paper. I can remember writing my first Law paper, how my stomach turned over.

Phone call, re respite.

I got a phone call this morning from the respite facility manager. When she said her name my heart sank. I thought, oh no not again. But instead she phoned to tell me there had been a cancellation in April and was asking me if I wanted to take up the placement. So now Dad is having 2 weeks from April 14-27. In 5 days, oh my goodness! I'm looking forward to the break and I hope Dad enjoys having more company, more people to chat with but it's also very sad that things have had to come to this.
Most of us would have wonderful memories where a parent has done something so special that it remains with us always. Well, when I was in prep (first year at primary school), I was 4 and the government supplied a small bottle of milk to every child. I just googled why this free milk program begun. It began in Britain in the 1920's and in some other countries in the 30's because of the economic depression to help with the nutrition of children. It began in Australia in the 1950's. I can remember the milk arriving at school and the crates were stacked against the building, the milk wasn't refrigerated and in our summer...eeewwgghh! Well, Dad brought up flavouring to school for me. He just turned up with strawberry flavouring. He may have only done it a couple of times but I have such a vivid memory of this. I have so many memories like this so the 14th will be a day of mixed emotions, a two edged sword kind of day.

What a day!

Yesterday, I got the letter of confirmation regarding Dad's respite. And an extra 2 weeks has been added in June. I felt relieved and yet saddened, too. I think I keep emotions at bay so I can get through the day and then when something occurs such as the letter, my stomach turns over and I kind of feel like when a child wants their Mum...a bit overwhelmed. So I banish those thoughts and get on with my day and what a day that followed.
I had packed up my daughter's dog's belongings because he was going home for the weekend, a massive thunder storm had hit and my other daughter rang and was at the bus stop. So I gather dog, Dad, paraphernalia and then I fell down the front steps...on my back, ouch! Couldn't get up for awhile...in the rain. Dad was having kittens...was winded couldn't talk. Eventually get up...luckily I fell on the dogs lead or he would have taken off for the park. Get up, take dog and Dad back inside. Phone daughters tell them I'll be a bit late. Sit for awhile, clean myself up, and try again. Pick up daughter from bus stop...dog vomits in car...poor little thing. He bites daughter on finger, doesn't break skin but hurts daughter's feelings. Thunder and lightening, dog whimpering, daughter upset...get to other daughters. Drop off dog, daughter, paraphernalia; given boot (trunk) load of stuff other daughter doesn't want anymore...Mum will take it to an op-shop...leave, peak hour traffic. Then Dad needs to go to the toilet, NOW. I'm thinking, dog vomit now just what I need, passenger seat wet. Dad NEVER curses but is now cursing at traffic lights, cars, pedestrians. I head for a park which has a toilet. Dad makes it. I feel like I limp home even though I'm driving. Thank goodness I didn't break any bones and are just nursing a bruised bottom and sore back. What a day!

Flu and pneumonia shots.

Dad had his flu and pneumonia shots yesterday after he spent the day at his day-care facility. And his dr filled out some forms required for respite. I just dropped off the paper work and are keeping my fingers crossed.
Of an early evening Dad is still having trouble using the toilet. He seems overwhelmed when he does poo...mostly not wiping. I have to supervise, coach him along to get through the process...give him paper, wipe, drop paper in toilet not on floor, repeat...flush, wash hands.
He is becoming a lot more dependent. He hates to not know where I am. He comes searching in the house for me. If I have a shower he thinks I'm going to go somewhere and leave him alone. One good thing he has slept through the last couple of nights without waking me. But he is back to not being able to shuffle himself in bed and places himself across the bed, width ways instead of length ways. Showering I also need to supervise more. Regulate temperature, wash his hair, tell him to get soap...wash bits, rinse soap off.
During the day he is in good spirits and this I'm thankful for. It would be awful if he was miserable.