Since Dad has been in respite a nervous tic I had developed in one eye has disappeared and I have enjoyed the feeling of freedom, however, I feel sad most of the time. I'm aware that in the long run I will be a better carer for having the break, so be it.
My younger brother had an episode the other evening. He stood near the back door shouting, 'Come here, I want to talk to you NOW'. My blood runs cold when he starts shouting and slamming things. He had visited Dad and was saying 'how dare you, Mum would be so angry. How dare you, Dad is in there till Xmas'. I'm thinking, huh? He continues, 'Dad told me he is there till Xmas'. I tell my brother Dad has got confused and that he will be home next week just like I had told both of them. My brother has problems understanding some things because he views everything as black and white. Dad told him so, therefore it must be so. Oh dear! Then he starts, 'You aren't to organise things anymore, I am going to be the one who does', and he continued saying you are a dreadful daughter. Because he has problems it's so hard not to throttle him. I have to walk away and leave him to slam doors and shout. At one stage he came up to me shouting and stepped up close shouting into my face. It was only after I threatened to phone the police did he back off. He leaves me rattled for hours. Today he is still slamming doors.
The only person he will listen to since Mum passed away is my other brother who lives interstate. I have to phone my interstate brother and ask him to phone and have a chat to brother with problems.
I just hope when he was visiting with Dad he didn't stress Dad out in anyway.
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Oh, sweetie, you are under such stress. Please take it from someone who never felt much other than guilt while I was in Lewyville...I felt guilty that my Dad had the disease, that I couldn't be awake 24/7 to care for him, that my own "twitches" got better when he was gone...I felt bad about everything when everyone else was off playing and not giving it a second thought. PLEASE know that you are admired and are doing a great job. I know what it's like to deal with another 'challenging' person in your life along with Lewy. Sometimes you just want to have your own breakdown so someone else will have to step up...and you'd deserve it too...but YOU were picked to carry this load because you are the one who will see your Dad through it safely and in hands that love him.
ReplyDeleteDeeeeeep breath, you are strong, and an honorable example of an AWESOME daughter.
Don't forget that.
Oh no! What a horrible experience for you! That must have angered and saddened you at the same time.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing an exemplary job, one that is quite difficult. Stay strong with your head held high!!
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ReplyDeleteThat sounds like quite a stressful situation to deal with on top of everything else you have going on. Just know you're doing good by your Dad and yourself. Stay strong and enjoy the rest of your respite time. (Sorry, I posted under an old blogger log-in but I see it didn't delete entirely!)
ReplyDeleteMore of the same as my thoughts were already said.
ReplyDeleteStay strong and get your rest - you deserve it.
Hugs for you!
♥♥LovingGrand♥♥