Daughter's Graduation and Dad's pants.

Dad is having another week in respite. He seemed non-plus about going, neither wanting to nor not wanting to. His reaction reminded me of a teenager who doesn't want you to know their feelings. I personally think he was more pleased because he does enjoy company. This week I'm catching up with the dentist and having an overhaul by the doctor.

I received an email from the manager of the care facility asking me if I wished to place Dad's name on the waiting list for a permanent position. Dad likes the facility and so do I, and if Dad's respite stays continue to go well, then this place will be great, so I replied; yes, but I don't wish to take up the offer till the time is right. When that time comes, his name will be at the top of the list and everything should go smoothly, I hope.

During the past couple of weeks Dad has been well. My daughter had her Arts Degree graduation ceremony and Dad and I went. It was a fantastic day sharing the celebrations of so many talented people. My daughter had a magic day and was absolutely radiant with happiness. My daughter studied Arts at a country Uni, so we had a bit of a drive, all-in-all 7 1/2 hours. The event completely tired Dad out and for a few days after, he slept till lunch time. Oh and whilst we were having afternoon tea in the auditorium at the graduation ceremony, Dad's pants fell down...not to the floor but almost to his knees. I was holding onto my sandwiches and his sandwiches and all I could do was say 'Dad pull your pants up' a few times until he processed what I was saying and pulled them up. I'm afraid by the time he pulled them up I was in hysterics, laughing. Dad saw the funny side to it, luckily and I was very pleased that daughter had wandered off at that stage to chat with others because when I told her she said 'Ohhh it had to be my family'. I thought about the pants episode later and I think Dad is sometimes holding in his stomach muscles like you do when you breathe in. I had noticed that when I help him do up his pants he holds in his stomach muscles and I have to tell him to relax them. This kind of thing also happened when he was in the emergency department a few months ago and the nurse told him to breathe in so she could listen to his chest. When she had finished I had to tell him he could breathe normally.

My daughter and I have noticed Dad is showing some anger. If I have a shower he thinks I'm going somewhere and he is going to miss out. I say 'miss out' because it's not the fear of being left alone it's a 'I miss out'. It also happens at times when I have given Dad a meal and then daughter comes home from Uni, work etc and has a meal at a different time to us, Dad then thinks he has missed out on a meal. One evening Dad was growling under his breath and then stormed off early to bed. Daughter was a bit rattled by his behaviour because he is always so polite and passive. I think I will have to give Dad a small plate of food at those odd meal times so he doesn't become so bothered.

I'm finding it difficult at restaurants and in general when out, if there is no male present, to help Dad go to the toilet so I'm having a belated Mother's Day with my 2 girls on Saturday. We're going to have lunch and go to a few galleries.

Respite went super well

Dad is home. I picked him up yesterday morning and he was bright and chirpy. When I arrived at 10 am the residents were in the lounge and an occupational therapist was throwing a ball to each person. One of the staff members said to me 'what a nice chap Dad is and how he loves to chat and that he is a smart man'. I couldn't agree more. I noticed driving home that Dad seemed to be listening to me more intently than he has for ages and was more engaged in our conversation. I was impressed. He seemed happier. He enjoyed the food, definitely the company and the stimulation from the activities and the outings. He didn't like the raised voices from staff. I asked him when did this happen and he explained when people wouldn't eat. I told him that it was important that the people concerned eat and I was pleased to hear that they follow through in maintaining levels of nourishment. I can remember when Mum was in hospital and an elderly chap in her ward couldn't feed himself. His daughter had to come in most days at meal times because there simply wasn't enough staff members to allow an hour or so in feeding this poor chap. I remember a nurse flying past and giving him a mouthful and returning 10 minutes later and another and then the plate was whisked away. Mum also commented that most times when the daughter wasn't there the food arrived and went without him having anything to eat.
I think Dad could understand when I explained that it was good that the staff persisted in getting some residents to eat.
It was a coincidence that on the way home Dad had an appointment with an occupational therapist concerning filling in a form. She took him into her office and asked questions and DAD REMEMBERED HIS DATE OF BIRTH...ohmg. When she came out she had written the date Dad had told her on a piece of paper and she showed me and I nodded. We were both impressed. The extra stimulation has done Dad the world of good...very impressed.
Last night Dad sat up later than usual with us watching TV. He seemed happier. This morning I awoke to Dad telling me he has stepped in dog poo near the back door. Why Dad was near the back door I don't know. The dog didn't pee also in his tray and there was Dad pee around the toilet floor and Daughter was running late for uni...a strange sigh of relief...back to normal.
I am so thankful that the respite stay went so extremely well.

My younger brother

Since Dad has been in respite a nervous tic I had developed in one eye has disappeared and I have enjoyed the feeling of freedom, however, I feel sad most of the time. I'm aware that in the long run I will be a better carer for having the break, so be it.
My younger brother had an episode the other evening. He stood near the back door shouting, 'Come here, I want to talk to you NOW'. My blood runs cold when he starts shouting and slamming things. He had visited Dad and was saying 'how dare you, Mum would be so angry. How dare you, Dad is in there till Xmas'. I'm thinking, huh? He continues, 'Dad told me he is there till Xmas'. I tell my brother Dad has got confused and that he will be home next week just like I had told both of them. My brother has problems understanding some things because he views everything as black and white. Dad told him so, therefore it must be so. Oh dear! Then he starts, 'You aren't to organise things anymore, I am going to be the one who does', and he continued saying you are a dreadful daughter. Because he has problems it's so hard not to throttle him. I have to walk away and leave him to slam doors and shout. At one stage he came up to me shouting and stepped up close shouting into my face. It was only after I threatened to phone the police did he back off. He leaves me rattled for hours. Today he is still slamming doors.
The only person he will listen to since Mum passed away is my other brother who lives interstate. I have to phone my interstate brother and ask him to phone and have a chat to brother with problems.
I just hope when he was visiting with Dad he didn't stress Dad out in anyway.

My first visit with Dad in repite.

I visited Dad on the weekend and whilst I was there 2 of my cousins arrived for a visit too. On first appearances I noticed Dad had very large puffy bags under his eyes. These puffy bags were about half the size at home. I remember his Mother, my Grandmother getting very large puffy bags. As we chatted Dad mentioned that he had these puffy bags and I asked if his eyes were sore...No. He also volunteered the info that he hadn't been crying.
Dad wasn't quite his bubbly self but considering the changes he had been through, the settling in to a different environment and routine and different people to mix with, he was coping quite well.
During the week he had been on a couple of outings. One was a drive up to our hills, the Dandenongs and the other was a barbeque by the Yarra river. The staff do an amazing job.
My cousin commented later on the phone to me how all the residents were so clean and well dressed. The staff help the residents to maintain their pride and motivation.
When I was leaving a resident was setting the tables for dinner and most of the other residents were watching an orchestra on the big screen TV.
During my visit Dad asked about the cats and did I have the dog back. He didn't say he wanted to come home so I will take that as he is settling in and coping ok.
At home my daughter is writing her first Law paper. So I'm tip-toeing around her and the house, through the explosion of paper. I can remember writing my first Law paper, how my stomach turned over.

Phone call, re respite.

I got a phone call this morning from the respite facility manager. When she said her name my heart sank. I thought, oh no not again. But instead she phoned to tell me there had been a cancellation in April and was asking me if I wanted to take up the placement. So now Dad is having 2 weeks from April 14-27. In 5 days, oh my goodness! I'm looking forward to the break and I hope Dad enjoys having more company, more people to chat with but it's also very sad that things have had to come to this.
Most of us would have wonderful memories where a parent has done something so special that it remains with us always. Well, when I was in prep (first year at primary school), I was 4 and the government supplied a small bottle of milk to every child. I just googled why this free milk program begun. It began in Britain in the 1920's and in some other countries in the 30's because of the economic depression to help with the nutrition of children. It began in Australia in the 1950's. I can remember the milk arriving at school and the crates were stacked against the building, the milk wasn't refrigerated and in our summer...eeewwgghh! Well, Dad brought up flavouring to school for me. He just turned up with strawberry flavouring. He may have only done it a couple of times but I have such a vivid memory of this. I have so many memories like this so the 14th will be a day of mixed emotions, a two edged sword kind of day.

Facility disturbed us.

Well, that tour of an elderly care facility didn't go so well. When we entered the dementia specific area there were 30-40 elderly people just sitting around one large room, yet there were other lounge type rooms rooms where they could have sat and even some nice outdoor areas. I was told they were waiting for their dinner yet it was only 4pm. How did they get so many dementia type residents to all be quiet, and I mean silent, not a sound and stay seated? And we passed through that room twice and still no one was chatting. All of the residents were in that room. It was as if they didn't have the choice to be anywhere else. Was this because they were short of staff, were the residents medicated to keep them so docile? Plus the residents were a combination of Low Care and High Care. This concerns me because Dad still has quite lucid days. It disturbed Dad to the point where he screamed out from bed during the evening, 'if I get sick don't take me anywhere'. Later I was up because I couldn't sleep and he got up and said 'I'm your Father, I'm going to die, I'm going to throw myself of a building'...oh dear! That facility also had some great things about it. A large deck over looking a meandering creek in a bush setting. An absolutely beautiful setting but something wasn't right in that room.

So I have an appointment tomorrow at another place which has only 13 beds and is only for low care residents. They have a week vacancy for respite in May and 2 weeks in June. Fingers crossed again.