Dad's respite has been extended till October 19th. I visited yesterday, Dad was happy to see me.
The staff told me he has been having agitated, grumpy episodes where he doesn't want to wear his pants, wants to lay on the floor and refused to eat. He comes round, eventually. They also have him using a walking frame. He only requires it occasionally but it's good to get him used to using one.
I had a tour of a facility, it's definitely very well run. I was impressed with the high care section. That division of high/low...sphew!! Because Dad still has good days, being in the high care section will only crush his spirits and I'm sure he would rapidly decline but at times he needs one on one attention perhaps more than low care can provide. So what to do? I simply can't let Dad be cared for in the high level section, not yet. He still has too much spark.
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Can he be started in low care, then have high care available only when needed?
ReplyDeleteHi~ Can you tell me a bit more about your experience with "respite care". My dad has been considering it for my mom now for three months but every time their close to trying it, they back off. I have to respect their feelings about it. It's so hard to know how to proceed sometimes. Just living in the moment seems the only solution.
ReplyDeleteHi Phillip,
ReplyDeleteYour poor Dad, my heart goes out him.
I recognise that living in the moment feeling- don't make plans for tomorrow just get through the day and the night. I too, tossed respite around in my mind for sometime before organising it even though Dad's Geriatrician said it was inevitable and wise.
Your Dad has been contemplating it for a few months. I would say it's time for him to have a break and get some rest. Caring, simply gets to a stage where one person 24/7 can't maintain it.
Respite-
Take tours of facilities. Are the residents well cared for, are they clean and dressed etc. The number of staff, does the ratio add up.
Make sure facility chosen has knoweledge of LBD. Especially LBD's medication problems and that they can't administer any unapproved medication. Print out from LBD org relevant literature and give it to the manager.
The facility I chose wasn't aware of LBD's medication issues. They are NOW!
On a personal level-
It's a tough, tough journey handing over the care to a stranger. My first respite break, I grieved, felt guilty that I had some relief and generally felt worse than when Dad was home, but at the end of it I felt rested. If I had have continued with no break, I would have fell in a heap, so to speak.
It must be so difficult for a partner who has shared their life with a person.
Because Dad gets very anxious, I tell him that morning we are to go, that I recieved an email telling me the facility has a vacancy. If I told him prior, he simply wouldn't cope with the idea.
It can be a daunting and overwhelming decision. Your Dad may need help with paper work, labelling your Mum's clothes etc, especially if he is worn out. Coupled with feelings of misgivings, it can seem like an insurmountable mountain. You may need to step in and overstep the relationship boundaries and tell him that together you will get through it.
When I visit Dad, I observe-
Are the more unewll residents helped with meals. Are they villigent in making sure the person eats enough.
General ambience-are people happy and occupied.
Are they showered, dressed. It's awful, but does the place reek of urine.
Are staff patient when aiding with toileting etc.
It doesn't matter how pretty a place is, it's these nitty gritty things that count.
I hope I have answered your question. If I haven't please feel free to ask away.
Again my heart goes out to you and your family.
I don't have any answers for you and I fear we'll be in the same place in the near future. It's a tough spot to be in when they require more care and yet not the full advanced care of a high level facility. I too worry that a high level care facility would cause rapid decline when in that in-between stage.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're able to figure something out.